A kiss, and a hug
I must confess; I have no idea how to start writing a blog, after all these days - it's practically been over six months since I blogged last. The time in question has included some of my darkest hours while also holding those days I have been at complete peace with no worry whatsoever of whatever my life held - so much infact, that I added quite a few kilos and four inches (I'm not kidding!) to my waistline!And interestingly enough, it's been all about the way God led me [the path He'd prepared for me based on Ps 139: 16 "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." ] I'm still not sure of what He has been doing al this while in my life, truth be told, but then, a few days ago I realized (remembered would be a better term) that there are a few things I should have completed aeons ago but had been procrastinating for years; areas I should have become competent in by now; responsibilities I should have taken more seriously... and then it struck me. What if, God was waiting for me to do the things I was supposed to do before He dug into his boots and started shovelling? Worrisome thought, that one! Considering mom and dad have been trying their very best to drill this concept in me, me head's been surprisingly resilient to (or should I say impervious :D ) getting it through to the left side of my brain (in accordance to Tickle.com tests which say I'm more left-brained, whatever that means)
I was surprised, to put it 'mildly'! Why hadn't it reached me sooner? And then another worrisome though cropped up. A bit of history - my personal history - would show a marked decrease in my bible reading as my age progressed [I'd still blame that wane on having finished reading all the stories the bible had to offer [as far as I can remember, I took to reading fairy tales (including two huge russian faily tale books though this is definitely missing the point]. That worrisome thought? My lack of spending time with the Bible, actually. I had my reasons, naturally. For some time, I was ready to forget everything the Lord had ever promised me because I saw something that made me seriously doubt the truthfulness of Matt 7:9-11 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ". God responded with the most beautiful Christmas message I had ever heard. I really wanted to post it here, but then, I guess I was lazy... time went by and I never did anything about it.
Not that I had an easy time, mind you. I kept receiving things I had not bargained for; Things I wish I never knew, things I wished had never existed, which soon progressed to me wishing I had never existed. That is something about the Devil, though. He can and will use your thoughts against you, making you in effect, responsible for the mess you get yourself in - not him or Him! If you don't believe me, put yourself in Eve's shoes (I'm sure she was barefoot then, but still...)
Anyways, the saga continued. God kept sending His packets of biscuits, and some tasted really good, whereas I couldn't savor most of them [Recently, I heard a person talking about how goats eat grass when compared to cows which kinda explains my experience with God's biscuit packets, but then, I'll leave you to ponder that one ;-) ] I landed myself responsibilities with the church and so on, and while I have been spending time with God, I'm beginning to realize it just has not been sufficient.
This has to go on longer, but what I want to convey is this. God loves you and me. There are times when we don't feel His presence, but He usually comes up with just a little reminder that He is all around. Nothing more. Nothing less. In such times, I have often made the mistake of just carrying on with little regard for Him, but today, I begin to wonder if He had been looking for a little ackonwledgement, if not more. Let me explain.
It was mom and dad's birthday last Friday (yeah, there were actually born on the same day!) and I actually don't mind admitting I'd blundered wrt my gifts. What gave more sense of fulfillment was giving them a hug and a kiss each, and get one back in return. It never occured to me that as much as they loved it, I seemed to need what I got in return more than what I gave.
And here I am; wishing I'd done the same with Him sooner
posted by Finney @ 2:12 PM
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